Survival Art: Using Art Therapy to Heal

"Art opens the closets, airs out the cellars and attics. It brings healing."

-Julia Cameron

In my previous post, "Angels Got My Back", I talked about my therapist recommending journaling as a means to deal with the emotions surrounding my abusive relationship and pending divorce.  I tried journaling, but like I said, it was too painful writing down my thoughts.  I knew from my sessions in M's office, her specialty was art therapy. 

What is Art Therapy? According to the Art Therapy Alliance, art therapy is "the deliberate use of art-making to address psychological and emotional needs.  Art therapy uses art media and the creative process to help in areas such as, but not limited to: fostering self-expression, create coping skills, manage stress, and strengthen sense of self.  Art therapy has provided mental health treatment for clients who have experienced trauma, grief & loss, depression, chronic illness, substance abuse, and more."

M works with foster kids from abusive homes and other children dealing with various challenges.  She predominately uses art therapy for these children and teenagers as a means in dealing with their pain.  Her office is filled with pastels, paints, markers and sketchbooks.  The office walls are painted with colorful, bold pictures of flowers, vines, phrases, bricks and snowmen.  The paintings give me a sense of comfort and warmth regardless of not contributing to the collage of images myself.

Angels Got My Back

We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another.  ~Luciano de Crescenzo

 

I am able to go out and greet  the world each day, because I know angels have "got my back".  Probably not the angels you are thinking about.  I think of them as my warriors.  My angel warriors to be precise.  They march along side me, pick me up when I am wounded, and go to battle with me when I am under attack.

Unfortunately, after my husband and I moved to North Carolina five years ago, I failed to develop a strong, close relationship with a woman whom I could call my one and only, super close, can-tell-all best friend.  But I have met some of the strongest, wisest women whom I admire, trust, and love.  They each have a different role in my life.  But combined together they create a beautiful tapestry of support transforming me from a sometimes scared, fragile shell of a woman into a brave, strong angel warrior myself.

Who are they?  They are all the strong women I have met through my journey this past year whom I confided in, exchanged emails, shed tears. They are my therapist, my chiropractor, my realtor, my attorneys, my neighbors, and my co-workers.  Some know I am a survivor of domestic violence, and some do not.  And they don't know they are my angel warriors.  Most of them don't know each other.  But they are mine.  And they've got my back.

Sometimes Setting Boundaries Hurts

Sometimes setting boundaries hurts. From Melody Beattie's The Language of Letting Go and sessions with my wonderful therapist, I have learned that one of the most important undertakings to implement in our healing process is setting boundaries.  But what does that mean?  And how is this accomplished? Setting boundaries is defining what you require in a new relationship to meet your needs, and also what you are not willing to accept. Setting boundaries means not taking on other individuals' dramas and crises.  And finally, setting boundaries means not accepting others' constant criticisms and judgements of who you are.

Setting boundaries in new relationships

We have to set healthy boundaries in new relationships to take care of ourselves. This is especially important for those of us recovering from domestic violence.  We cannot afford to fall into another similar situation or waste time in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable. After all we've been through we must break the cycle, and we definitely deserve better.  We deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is going to love us with all our faults and accept us for who we are.  A man should be focused on meeting our needs as much as we are focused on their needs. I realize that relationships are about compromise, but we should not compromise on having our needs met.

Learning to Forgive after Domestic Violence

I had some exciting news yesterday m when I found out that the Postive Outlook facebook page which has over 680,000 followers posted my story.

I'm including the link here.  It includes some of my previous Forgiveness post and additional details of my actual abuse.

Postive Outlook Story.  Learning to Forgive after Domestic Violence

http://www.facebook.com/#!/notes/positive-outlooks/learning-to-forgive-after-domestic-violence/311067652269272

I was touched and saddened by all the comments.  But as many of the women stated, "We are Survivors."

Take care,
D

Wake up, People! Domestic Violence is an Epidemic!

While the intent of my blog is to chronicle the journey of surviving and healing after abuse, it's worth speaking about the main catalyst of my blog in the first place. Domestic Violence. I doubt I would be blogging if I hadn't been assaulted. 

Here are the facts:

• On the average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends every day
• 1 in 4 women in the United States are victims of Domestic Violence at some point in their lives.
• Each year, intimate partner violence (IPV) results in an estimated 1,200 deaths and 2 million injuries among women

First, if you are currently in an abusive relationship, please get help.  I'm begging you to leave! Get out! Your life is too precious to continue to be beat down and abused.  Life is too short to be in a miserable relationship.  The time is now to leave and get help.  Call someone, find the local shelter, go to a friend's house, have him arrested, and get a restraining order.  Refer to the Domestic Violence Hotline website for their hotline (1.800.799.SAFE (7233)) , how to develop a safety plan, and where to get help locally.  You can do it!  Remember it is not your fault! There is support out there.  You are not alone.

Practicing Gratitude

So maybe I'm not into New Year's resolutions, but a wonderful tool for healing and finding peace in the chaos of every day life is a Gratitude Journal.  And a perfect time to start a Gratitude Journal is the beginning of the new year.

I was first introduced to this concept over 10 years ago.  A counselor I was seeing for my depression suggested I start reading Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach.  (I highly recommend this book for women from all walks of life.)  In the book Sarah recommends starting a Gratitude Journal as part of the Simple Abundance path.  Each day write down five things you are grateful for no matter what kind of day you've had.  On good days you may have some wonderful things to write down.  On bad days you may only have your health, the roof over your head, your child's health, etc.  The point is that as long as you are alive there is something to grateful for.