15 Things I've Learned Since Sending My Husband to Jail

"Once you stop learning, you start dying."

~ Albert Einstein

1.        Being alone is okay and actually quite liberating.  It’s no longer necessary to exhaust yourself pleasing someone else.  Being alone means you now have time and energy discovering what pleases you and experiencing the activities you enjoy.  You can learn new skills and grow into the woman you wish to be.  Practice yoga, go running, learn to draw, or go for a hike.  There are a multitude of activities to perform or skills to learn to take care of yourself and be you.

2.       How to change out the battery on my riding lawn mower.  Just remember wear leather gloves and shoes, don’t stand in water, and red equals HOT.

3.       Don’t forget to laugh!  Laugh like a kid.  Giggle.  Laugh so hard your stomach hurts and your eyes water.  Laugh when your day is hectic and stressful and you can’t possibly handle one more thing.  Laughing helps you keep your perspective on what’s important and what’s not.  As long as you are alive, you have a reason to laugh.  Plus, you will achieve the added health benefit of releasing endorphins in your system and relieving stress.

Running with One Headlight: Learning Acceptance

“I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.”
- Maya Angelou

I was having writer's block.  Or maybe it's called blogger's block.  Ideas bounced around in my mind, but nothing was inspiring me.  So I decided to go for a run. 

I began executing my "pre-run" routine.  I began drinking lots of water, ate a healthy breakfast of blueberry Greek yogurt, and some crackers with roasted-garlic hummus.  I took my multi-vitamin and my B-complex vitamin for extra energy.  I put on my wicking performance top, my Athleta running skort, a pair of dual-layer, wicking running socks, and my carefully selected and sized running shoes from a local boutique running shop.  I grabbed my Timex Ironman watch.  As I placed the watch on my wrist I noticed there was no display. The battery must be dead.  Hmmmm. Okay, no problem.  I can monitor time on my iPhone.  Next, I looked for my ear buds so I could listen to my tunes.  My music is a must-have for inspiration during my run.  Where are my ear buds?  Then it hit me.  Damn!  I left them at work.  Okay. This can be easily solved in the modern world.  I hopped in my car and drove to the local CVS pharmacy and bought a new pair of earbuds and a couple bottles of nail polish for later. :o)   Done.  I returned home, opened up the annoying plastic packaging encompassing the ear buds, grabbed my iPhone that acts as my MP3 player, filled up my water bottle, got back in the car, and headed for the running trail.

Making Peace with my Reflection in the Mirror

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

- Buddha

My therapist says I need to learn to love myself. As much as I love my son. She says I will have a difficult time beginning a new relationship until I do.

Huh? How do I do that? How do I know when I love myself enough? How do I know that I don't love myself right now?

Then it hit me. I don't truly love myself right now. As recently as last week, I was deeply hurt when a genuine, caring, gentle man I had begun dating decided he didn't want to continue the relationship. He was afraid he was not what I needed or that I wasn't ready to start dating again. Immediately I started falling down that dark hole thinking, "What's wrong with me?” I thought, "He doesn't want a relationship with me, because I'm broken. I'm not whole. I'm defective. I'm tarnished. Tainted. No one will ever love me again, because I let someone abuse me. Something must be wrong with me because I allowed the abuse to happen". Suddenly, all my insecurities came bubbling up to the surface overwhelming my mind. Again.

Angels Got My Back

We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another.  ~Luciano de Crescenzo

 

I am able to go out and greet  the world each day, because I know angels have "got my back".  Probably not the angels you are thinking about.  I think of them as my warriors.  My angel warriors to be precise.  They march along side me, pick me up when I am wounded, and go to battle with me when I am under attack.

Unfortunately, after my husband and I moved to North Carolina five years ago, I failed to develop a strong, close relationship with a woman whom I could call my one and only, super close, can-tell-all best friend.  But I have met some of the strongest, wisest women whom I admire, trust, and love.  They each have a different role in my life.  But combined together they create a beautiful tapestry of support transforming me from a sometimes scared, fragile shell of a woman into a brave, strong angel warrior myself.

Who are they?  They are all the strong women I have met through my journey this past year whom I confided in, exchanged emails, shed tears. They are my therapist, my chiropractor, my realtor, my attorneys, my neighbors, and my co-workers.  Some know I am a survivor of domestic violence, and some do not.  And they don't know they are my angel warriors.  Most of them don't know each other.  But they are mine.  And they've got my back.

Practicing Gratitude

So maybe I'm not into New Year's resolutions, but a wonderful tool for healing and finding peace in the chaos of every day life is a Gratitude Journal.  And a perfect time to start a Gratitude Journal is the beginning of the new year.

I was first introduced to this concept over 10 years ago.  A counselor I was seeing for my depression suggested I start reading Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach.  (I highly recommend this book for women from all walks of life.)  In the book Sarah recommends starting a Gratitude Journal as part of the Simple Abundance path.  Each day write down five things you are grateful for no matter what kind of day you've had.  On good days you may have some wonderful things to write down.  On bad days you may only have your health, the roof over your head, your child's health, etc.  The point is that as long as you are alive there is something to grateful for.