New Beginnings - A Time of Change

"No, this is not the beginning of a new chapter in my life; this is the beginning of a new book! That first book is already closed, ended, and tossed into the seas; this new book is newly opened, has just begun! Look, it is the first page! And it is a beautiful one!"

-C JoyBell C

Today is Earth Day. And here in the southeastern United States, we are definitely in the throes of spring. My rose bushes are weighted down with an abundance of red blooms, green lizards are running across my deck, trees are green with their new leaves, irises and azaleas are blooming, and blue herons are building their nests. With this abundance of color and growth, I reflect on renewal and new beginnings.

Today marks one year of being legally separated from my abuser. North Carolina divorce law requires married couples to be separated for a year with no attempts of reconciliation. My husband last attacked me on December 26, 2010. I called the police, and they took him to jail. Upon release from jail he flew immediately to Tennessee where he had been living since November. My husband was required to attend anger management and parenting classes. Ten weeks into his anger management classes, my husband said he wanted us to be a family again.  I had hopes my husband had learned from his mistakes and had evolved into a more compassionate person. So we attempted to reconcile in the spring of 2011.

We visited the mountains of North Carolina with our son during his school's spring break. As a family we hiked the trails and visited craft and antique shops. I had the unrealistic expectation that he would be a changed man. Unfortunately, this was not the case. We continued to argue, and I could see his anger boiling beneath the surface. He blamed me for all our problems. He would not acknowledge any responsibility for his actions the night he assaulted me. I walked on eggshells the remainder of the week worrying he would blow up.

I know now that no amount of anger management classes will change the essence of a person's soul. If they are an arrogant, selfish, uncompassionate narcissist, they always will be. They will continue to believe they are superior, above the law, and unaccountable for their actions.

Running with One Headlight: Learning Acceptance

“I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.”
- Maya Angelou

I was having writer's block.  Or maybe it's called blogger's block.  Ideas bounced around in my mind, but nothing was inspiring me.  So I decided to go for a run. 

I began executing my "pre-run" routine.  I began drinking lots of water, ate a healthy breakfast of blueberry Greek yogurt, and some crackers with roasted-garlic hummus.  I took my multi-vitamin and my B-complex vitamin for extra energy.  I put on my wicking performance top, my Athleta running skort, a pair of dual-layer, wicking running socks, and my carefully selected and sized running shoes from a local boutique running shop.  I grabbed my Timex Ironman watch.  As I placed the watch on my wrist I noticed there was no display. The battery must be dead.  Hmmmm. Okay, no problem.  I can monitor time on my iPhone.  Next, I looked for my ear buds so I could listen to my tunes.  My music is a must-have for inspiration during my run.  Where are my ear buds?  Then it hit me.  Damn!  I left them at work.  Okay. This can be easily solved in the modern world.  I hopped in my car and drove to the local CVS pharmacy and bought a new pair of earbuds and a couple bottles of nail polish for later. :o)   Done.  I returned home, opened up the annoying plastic packaging encompassing the ear buds, grabbed my iPhone that acts as my MP3 player, filled up my water bottle, got back in the car, and headed for the running trail.